I am Alice

This morning I stumbled out my door to head to class. My head was clouded and drowsy as I had awoken merely half an hour beforehand, my acquired sleep last night was less than substantial. I found my mind wandering as usual on this brisk Monday morning; being a Pisces, I find my mind always wanders nonetheless. Treading slowly down the road, I came across the most disturbing interruption of senses that could have been. Parked on the side of the road and running was a very large brown truck, emitting a noise so loud and unpleasant it made my ears hurt. I remember believing it couldn't have been real for some reason, but I pressed on in hope that I would be disturbed no further on my walk. Sadly, another obstacle stood in my way, and I slipped on a sheet of ice frosted with snow. My senses, each and every one, got a jolt from that slip; I have a chronic fear of falling, and my heart stops whenever it happens. I say every sense even though there was no particular taste in my mouth, yet I was almost certain I could taste blood, even with its lack of presence there. I am a paranoid person by nature, and I think that if I am going to slip on ice, I am going to slip face first and knock my teeth out by some semi-miracle. My teeth jagged and some altogether gone, I will cut my lip and blood will pour, like what happened to a friend of mine on the slide in elementary school.

Of course, nothing happened. I slipped a little, my heart stopped. I pressed on.

Being drowsy intices your thoughts to drift elsewhere. Some believe that dwelling on dreams is a useless, trivial activity, yet I disagree. My thoughts led me to dwell last night's dreams, and I came to a realisation.

We are only truly awake when we are dreaming. Foolish as it sounds, it's true. In our dreams we feel the highest sense of emotion; we feel the most passionate bliss and the most harrowing fear. A dream can be discerned from a happy dream to an unhappy dream by a fleeting emotion. A smile can make the whole dream cheerful and wonderful, but a scream can change it to deadly violence. As the mind wanders, so do the emotions.

We are our dreams. Last night, I dreamt that I was Lewis Carroll's Alice from his Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, only I was in the Disney make of the book. I sang with the flowers, lost though I was and a weed though they thought I was. I am Alice. The dream reflected me, what I wanted to do, what I wanted to see. The dream reflected who I was.

We've all had dreams and said "I would NEVER do that!", but doesn't that just tell us more about ourselves? Perhaps you had never really thought about it before. Perhaps you had never even considered the possibility. If you have a dream then awaken with a horrible sense of guilt, you have likely discovered something new about yourself by having the dream. The dream, through your waking, reflects yourself. The cycle is perpetual. You will never have a dream that tells you nothing about yourself.

I am Alice, stuck in my Wonderland of dreams.